The girls and I are standing out on the low tide of Seal Beach….the sky is blue and there are low rolling waves washing upon the shore. We are playing on the sand, laughing and dancing. At one point I feel like time has stood still. I notice the ripples on the sand and the warm water touching our feet. When I get home I think about the day and realize that it is a metaphor for where we are in our lives. I can’t help, but think that the three of us have come so far. That our tide has gone out and left us in this state of joy and peace. And even though the heavy tides have gone the ripples have left their mark, as a reflection to where we have been. Knowing this makes me want to jump up and down and celebrate. I want to cry.
It’s been a fast paced year and time keeps slipping away. I want to stop the tide from turning, but I know that I can’t and so I deal with the few months I have left of my high school girl. Ellen is going to be graduating in June and heading off to college. For years she has been teasing me about leaving me, just to see me get teary eyed. She would say it, and watch my face change as water welled up in my eyes. In fact I have coined this year, “The Year of Tears”. I told her that it’s my God given right, as her mother, to cry about her departure and every little moment that leads up to that. In August she took her senior portraits and as soon as she slipped on the cap and gown, I needed to reach for the Kleenex. She looked at me and said, “Oh mama, it’s just a picture!” I know it is, but that picture represents so much. I just don’t know if I have prepared my heart for this. She plans to go to San Francisco State or San Luis Obispo depending on where she gets accepted. When we sent in her final college applications to San Francisco State she came in my room and said, “Maybe I don’t want to go so far away. Maybe I’ll stay a little closer.” I had to smile and replied, ‘You are going to miss me!” Ellen is a wonderful daughter and she has so many great tools to bring to her new world. I know she is going to manage her life with humor and confidence just like she does every day. Besides, she now has a new kitten that she will be dying to come home to visit. I’m no dummy.
And so the tide turns and Jennifer will be stepping up to high school next year, but first, Middle School has one more year of my sweet Jennifer. If you live near us you might see her riding her bike, skateboarding, or hanging out at FNL (Friday Night Lights). She is the quintessential California middle schooler with her blonde hair and sweet smile. She is playing tennis and I think she may have found her “thing”- she’s been searching for years J. Jennifer loves to do accents. She does a “spot on” English bit and a Vietnamese nail salon that is hysterical. Jennifer doesn’t know a stranger, and this is something I worry about, but love at the same time. And as far as her relationship with her sister? Well, the two of them are Mars and Venus. Ellen had text me one day telling me that her sister wasn’t being very appreciative of her for driving her to school. I called Jen and asked what was going on. She told me that Ellen got angry at her for using a water bottle instead of a reusable water jug (my environmentalist…hence San Fran State). Then she told me Ellen made her ride in the back seat to school and was mad because Jen didn’t say “Thank you.” I told Ellen that it’s hard to hug and appreciate a porcupine and she laughed, but still arguing the point of the water bottle and the earth. Of course, Jen takes it all in stride…because after her sister leaves for school (on the days she doesn’t drive her), Jennifer strides into her sister’s room and borrows her pants! Oh, the trials of sisterhood.
The sun rises for me around these moments with my family. It’s normal, it’s hard, but we are at a low tide, the water is warm and we have come a long way. God is gracious and has blessed my girls and me beyond measure. I pray that you all seek His many blessings this season and find that the tide always turns, but God is with you. Many, many blessings and Merry Christmas.
